the internet can be a dangerous place. it takes us out of our bubble, the people we know, the people we know of in our surrounding area. and shows us that there are not two, but hundreds of people just like us. trying to do the same thing with a better location and a bigger wallet. yes, i am self loathing and i like to blame everyone else for my problems. but, in my defensive, i’ve worked hard to be where i am. maybe not hard enough. but sometimes it’s frustrating. seeing other people just like you succeeding. yes, i blame living in columbia, SC, capitol of a few good local bands, but when’s the last time we’ve had a solid show come through? there aren’t many options when it comes to venues, and artists. but i’m a broke college graduate who can’t exactly make a trip to the “big city” of charlotte every time there is an opportunity i want. 

i’ve been making best of what i have. honestly. positive thinking has been something i’ve worked hard at, and while i complain, and often get upset or discouraged, i take a deep breath, and send out five more emails. i’m constantly photographing my friends, and even they have given me great opportunities. never in my life did i think i’d go to a recording studio for a week. sure, it’s a record label you’ve probably never heard of, of a band that believes more in itself than this state does. it was one more step up that ladder to what i’m trying to achieve. often i think about unfollowing all the people who get to shoot the shows i wish i could, or are working for the publications i wish i could. but i know it’s only motivation for me to do better, work harder, learn from them, be inspired. being a competitive person, it’s hard to embrace people who are similar to me. 

maybe i can’t leave this city for another year, or two years, but i’ve already accomplished more than i thought i would in eight months being back from maine. so what’s another year? more experimenting, more trial and error. more emails and emails and emails and emails. more getting my style down, my mistakes fixed, so when the right opportunity comes along, i’ll be prepared. 

i am photographing foxy shazam on august 5th. not in the sense of having a photo pass and being in the photo pit. i’m going to be spending some time with them prior to their show, photographing the things most people don’t get to see. that’s all i want. to be that secret fly on the green room wall capturing the real people behind the music. this is a great opportunity for me. it’s not a friend, no one got me this job - i did. i emailed, i politely kept in contact and showed how serious i was when the opportunity fell through the first time. and here i am. picking myself back up. moving forward, finding motivation, and all because i never give up. my moments of weakness, or jealously only make me stronger, and i’m starting to realize that. i need less of those moments, but without them, i’d still be sitting and hoping that just maybe someone somewhere will take notice of me. no one will notice you if you don’t put yourself out there. i’ve heard more no’s than i have yes in the countless emails i send, but the one’s that do work in my favor only get me one step closer.

maybe i’m not from some big city, and maybe i don’t have exactly all the right means, but i’m not going down without a fight, and it looks like i’m putting up one hell of one.  i’m making do with what i have and what i can achieve, and slowly, my goals are being met.